Well, we have surpassed the one year mark
since I was diagnosed. It’s been very interesting to think, what was I doing
this day last year as it was quite a busy and tumultuous time. It’s been a long
road! But Steve and I have been blessed to have the strong support network of
our family and friends to pull us through. Now that we’ve completed the “real”
chemo, surgery and radiation and are winding down on the herceptin treatments we
are in the calm after the storm phase. Psychologically it’s been a bit odd, the
best I can relate it to is standing outside after a catastrophic storm where
there are branches all over the place, fences down, roofing shingles everywhere
and nothing is where you left it etc. but the imminent danger is passed. You sort of step back, look around and assess
the damage and slowly start the clean up. Steve and I have been hard at work “cleaning
up” and getting our live’s back to a new normal and it’s been a very busy few
months.
One of the first changes was that I started
tamofixin in the fall. This drug is intended to prevent the cancer from coming
back. Unfortunately the side effects were pretty severe and included edema (Swelling
limbs), rashes etc. Not wanting placebo to impact my treatment I did not read
the information sheet. Well it turns out I should have. I had about 5 symptoms
that indicated you should “Contact your doctor immediately”. Whoops, turns out
the hives on my feet weren’t some strange reaction to snow mold but a reaction
to the drugs I was on. They had to pull me off the medication and give me a
breather and then start again. The second time was not great, but it was
better. But boy it makes me all sorts of crazy. Aside from being the typical
irish hot head I am a pretty level and reasonable person. That is until I was
on tamofixin. I was a walking banshee. I was crying multiple times a day
(Sometimes just sitting at my desk at work or watching tv... that mustard
commercial is really touching). I would be raging angry, extremely elated and
then horribly depressed. Of course it was pretty hard to differentiate
between the emotions from the drug vs the emotion of the trauma of cancer and
cancer treatment. It got to the point
where I finally went to the doctor to discuss my options. Not willing to stop
taking this drug but also not willing to take more drugs to balance my mood I
was basically on my own to deal with the side effects. Luckily as time passed
the side effects have leveled off. The most agitating current side effect is
the hot flashes and the mood swings. But the hot flashes are kind of funny as
one minute I’m freezing and the next I’m sweating. And I walk around in roughly
4 layers at all times.
As many of you know I started riding again
in the fall. I had the distinct pleasure of working with a really cool new
horse that I was training to go into the “battle of the breeds” at the
Saskatchewan Equine Expo. I was very
excited as this horse would have less than 90 days of re-training on it and I
really wanted to demo the potential of the breed. The week before the
competition I started feeling sharp pain in my arms. It felt as if a blood
pressure cuff was on my arm and was pressing tight. Then my arm started
swelling, just barely but notable to me. The coloration was also a bit odd.
Being a little stubborn I went to the barn and rode. It was pretty
uncomfortable and discoloration increased. The next morning the pain came back
and then my arm turned “THAT” color. The color that I have really only seen in
2 situations. 1) at the swimming pool when someone was under the water longer
than they had intended 2) when I worked at the hospital and saw people having
heart attacks. In short, there was not enough oxygen getting to my arm. It was
time to stop denying the obvious... I had a blood clot in my arm. Feeling an
ambulance was overkill I debated my options a) I could walk 2 blocks to the
hospital from my house 2) drive to the hospital myself and 3)pull Steve out of
work to fetch me and take me in to the doctor.
-
The scary thing with blood clots is if they move
and get into your lungs or brain. The one thing with having a vivid imagination
is that I realized how aweful it would be to have a pulmonary embolism while
trying to walk to the hospital in -40. I had this vision of me in the snow
freezing and being able to see the hospital from the side walk I was on but
being unable to reach it. This just freaked me out further. I then turned to
driving myself and realized this was also a horrible plan as if anything were
to happen I could not only injure myself but put anyone on the roads in danger
as well. This left calling Steve home. Steve was in a meeting and had to excuse
himself get to his office and then walk to his truck. Meanwhile I started getting ready to head off
the hospital trying not to freak out but really feeling like a ticking
bomb. While I was getting ready our roommate
came home. Hearing her come through the door I quickly opened up the entrance
to our level and blurted out “can you drive me to the hospital right now”. Now
luckily Sarina ,my roommate and one of my best friends, knows me pretty good
and my abruptness did not freak her out. After a quick conversation Sarina
whisked me off to the hospital all the while doing a fabulous job of keeping me
relatively calm as internally I was freaking out, thinking of all the worst
case scenario’s. Meanwhile Steve re-directed himself to the Cancer Center to
get information as to which hospital was the best to go to/where to go etc. By
the time we got to university hospital Steve had determined we should head to
the university hospital emerge. Steve was at the doors waiting for me when we
got there.
-
After a few hours of mostly waiting and an
ultrasound later it was confirmed that I indeed had clots in the port in my arm
and I was going to be immediately put on blood thinner called tinzaparin. This
meant I was “grounded” again. This psychologically was worse than the pain from
the clot. I was one week away from my goal. It was to symbolize me being back
at it, it was my coming back celebration! Unfortunately it was not meant to be.
So the next day I went back to work and the horse was moved out of the indoor
facility and taken for a winter holiday in a lovely pasture outside.
-
It’s an odd life where one day you’re in emerge
the next day your back at the office as if nothing happened. Tinzaparin is a
bit scary as doctors aren’t able to reverse it. My original plan was “so long
as I make it to the hospital they can save me”, to which the doctor outlined
that indeed they may only be able to sit there and watch me bleed out as they cant
reverse the drug. He warned me that a
simple slip in the kitchen could kill me. This seemed like a scare tactic, but
after further investigation it would seem that he wasn’t that far off. For those of you who know how clutzy and not
particularly careful I am you can imagine the.... well you can just imagine.
-
So my first morning on this drug Steve turns to
me and suggests that I wear a helmet on my walk to work. He was completely
serious. I just started laughing. But he was completely somber in his request
as I had to walk a few blocks to work and the sidewalks were typical Saskatoon
winter sidewalks. This being one of my favourite stories to tell, I had a friend suggest that I carry a bike tire with me so that it looks like I'm just a cyclist walking down the street. I thought that was a brilliant idea, but will confess I have not tried it!
-
So fast forward a few weeks and I have been
successfully bridged off of tinzaparin and onto warfarin. This is not only
fantastic that I get to ride but I also don’t need to get a needle every day. I
have to say my husband is a king of kings! He gallantly decided I would not be
injecting myself and gave me all of my needles. He worked each day to figure
out how to make them less painful as the tinzparin burned like a bee sting. I have to say I am a pretty lucky girl!
-
So I am back on the warfarin and have just
started riding again. Just in time to start the outdoor season! Steve has been pretty great at coming out to the
stables with me to “keep me company” (ie. Make sure I don’t do anything stupid
as I am still a bleeding risk). I enjoy having him around out there as the
horse I am working with is still quite precocious and has a serious case of
spring fever.
-
Any ways, I’m sitting here plugged into my IV
getting my Herceptin treatment and the Tea Lady has arrived so I best sign off
so I get my tea and cookies (another perk to treatment!) .
‘Till next time!
Left Foot’n and Right Foot’n.
Alyssa
No comments:
Post a Comment